This past Friday, I sadly realized that I am, in fact, a sissy girl. Over the years, I have bragged on numerous occasions about what a tough girl I am. I performed CPR on a physician who died while examining a patient in his office many years ago. That should earn me some big girl points, don’t ya think? I’ve performed the Heimlich Maneuver TWICE…..once on my own son! You can’t be a sissy girl to do that, now, can you?????
But Friday, when the exterminator carried a bat upstairs from the basement, I SQUEALED, did the sissy hand gesture and rose up on my tiptoes, shrieking “eeeuww eeeuwwww eeeeuwwww” in grand sissy-style! It was not one of my finest moments.
Today, “Bat Man” arrived at my house. He was not wearing a black rubber “is that a gun in your pocket-kind of suit” and he certainly didn’t look like George Clooney or Val Kilmer. But he was the exterminator’s bat specialist and he is my hero!
I’m thinking, however, that he was probably already informed that he was going to be calling on a sissy-girl because when I opened the door, he was already smiling! How many exterminators do YOU know who smile? Would YOU smile if you were responsible for the elimination of bats, snakes, rats, mice, spiders, and the ever-so-popular bed bug? I rest my case. But he was smiling which proves to me, he was forewarned.
He examined my attic and found the point of entry for the uninvited guests. According to him, it was a “fluke” that the one got into my basement…”probably came down inside the wall,” he surmised. Whatever.
The point is, ever since I heard there were bats in my basement (and my attic), I haven’t entered either of those areas….. and don’t plan to for quite a while. This makes it difficult because my washer and dryer are in the basement as well as my freezer. If my hubby expects to wear clean underwear, he’d be smart just to go do the damn laundry and not say anything, don’t ya think? 🙂
I hate bats, almost as much as I hate snakes. One day, many years ago when the boys were just toddlers, I heard this loud screaming and cussing coming from my front porch. I glanced out the window, terrified, to find my neighbor across the street, (who had a very colorful vocubulary,) on my porch. I feared he was having a meltdown of some sort so I grabbed my baby. Wouldn’t you grab YOUR baby if someone was on your porch having a melt down???
Well!!!!! When I went to the door, I got there just in time to see Howard with one foot on my porch, one foot in my flower bed, and both hands grabbing a 20 foot black snake who was trying to wiggle its way under my porch! OK… it wasn’t 20 feet but if it were in my elementary school class picture, that snake would have been the “tallest kid in class” and standing in the back row!
I quickly forgave him for dropping the f* bomb, in fact, had I not been holding my baby boy, I would have probably been calling that snake something even worse!
I didn’t weed my flower beds the rest of the summer.
OK… so I’m a sissy-girl.
But if you ever choke and need help….. I’m your girl.