Dear Mr. Phil:
Your Supervisor has advised us that a Performance Improvement Plan is being drafted due to your lack of effectiveness on the job.
According to our notes:
a) Your absenteeism for the past several years is abominable. Showing up for work only one day a year is not accepted practice in our workplace, nor will it be tolerated.
b) Your forecasting skills have shown numerous errors and continually impact morale in a negative way.
c) You base decisions solely on inaccurate and unscientific data and yet show no accountability for your mistakes.
d) Most recently (today), you predicted an early spring and within hours, snow began to fall. You respond by leaving work early to go home.
e) Your hygiene has been the source of many co-worker complaints and your inadherence to the company dress code concerning facial hair is not acceptable.
Please be advised that you will be expected to meet with your Supervisor and a representative from Human Resources on a quarterly basis until improvement has been noted, or you will be terminated.